I was a happy kid.
Sure I got scolded, I got whacked, but I knew my parents loved me. We didn’t talk much about emotions growing up – No emotions, please, we’re Chinese – but I knew. I know.
So it took all of my effort to bite my tongue and shut up tonight when I had to listen to an hour of “Emotional Coaching” as a way of parenting.
I am not a Reader or Theorist when it comes to parenting. Or anything else for that matter. (Unless it’s an instruction book on knitting. That, I still need.)
I abhor books telling me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to feel when I’m doing it, et al.
But that’s just me.
I’m that person who can’t understand the lure of Tony Robbins, has no interest in reading The Secret, and can’t stand talk shows that mine emotional soul-baring to its cheap conclusions.
I swear, no one talks about feelings as much as the Americans!
We live in the age of Politically Correct Parenting, Feel Good Parenting, You First No YOU FIRST Parenting, Passive Aggressive Parenting.
The basic premise of Emotional Coaching is to coach your child to what they are feeling so they don’t feel shafted by thinking you don’t understand their pain. Instead of telling your child not to say he hates his sibling, you have to say, “I understand you are feeling jealous about your sibling…”
I believe the way to go is somewhere between yelling at your child and sounding like a rehearsed therapist.
Is that too much to ask?
As you can see, I really, really, dislike books about parenting. Especially when the theories don’t seem to consider any other cultures, options, or ways of thinking. Are you telling me that people all over the world are parenting their kids with Emotional Coaching because that’s the best and only way?
That’s why I am looking forward to watching this.
People, life isn’t school. There is no single theory to ace it. Only your common sense. Use it.
Oh wow, Dot! Absolutely spot on! I love that last line.
I agree with you. The thing is, I read for inspiration and more so for an idea of the different parenting methods out there. My parents didn’t attend any parenting course or read any discipline books – I like to think that I turn out fine.
actually dot, you *should* read a book by Meredith Small called Our Babies Ourselves (i think that’s the title). She’s a pediatric anthropologist. The book is about the ways that different cultures create a kind of scientific knowledge around child-rearing issues which are really culturally based. it will blow your mind. really. things that i thought were physically determined capabilities, like walking.
i read it right when we moved overseas. that combined with the realization that all the families from all over the world were practiced a wide-range of parenting techniques and all the kids seemed fine.
although, i will say that the parents who came from cultures where sharing a bed with the kids is common did seem wistful when we talked about our kids in their own beds in their own rooms.
susan sarandon has said two of my favorite quotes about raising kids. the first one is “the biggest impediment to parenting is the idea that there is a right way to do it.” the other one i love is along the lines of, “you raise your kids to defy authority, but you forget that the first authority they defy is yours.”
great pix of you, btw. ben and i giggled over it for a loooong time.
Thanks all. I may just have to pick up that book after all. It does sound intriguing.