Ladies and Gentle Readers of the Blog of 2009,
Be Curious.
If I could offer you one tip for the future, Curiosity would be it.
The long term benefits of Curiosity have been proved by Man’s (Continued) Existence, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the presence and occasional nagging of your parents.
Oh never mind, you will not understand the presence and nagging of your parents until you are one. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at your behavior when you were a teen and can’t grasp now how much you got away with and how much you were really loved.
You are not going to hell for one donut.
Don’t believe everything you read or hear, because an unquestioned fact is as true as a celebrity’s face. A life lived without questions is a boring one indeed.
Do one thing every day that makes you laugh.
Don’t be an angry driver on the roads, don’t put up with drivers who are angry with you.
Burp.
Don’t waste your time on self-help books; sometimes you’ll figure it out, sometimes you won’t. Life isn’t easy, and in the end, you don’t need someone reminding you you need help.
Remember your child’s good days, forget the bad; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old fortune cookie fortunes, you never know when you’ll need that 14-digit lottery number.
Twitter.
Don’t feel bad if you love meat. Some of the most sublime meals I’ve had were possible because something cute and furry died.
Get plenty of beer.
Be kind to your siblings, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll be an astronaut, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll drop out of college, maybe you’ll call your mom from the International Space Station. Whatever you do, don’t give up too early. And never stop asking questions.
Enjoy your sense of humor. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of irony, or what other people think of it, it’ll be the greatest asset you’ll ever have to boast about on eHarmony.
Obsess. Even if you have nothing to obsess about but that damn spot on your hand.
Do not watch reality shows, they will only make you feel unreal.
Get to know your local barista, you never know when they’ll slip you a free latte.
Understand that seasons come and go, but not in Seattle, where it still snows in April.
Wear polyester once, but take it off before it makes you itch; wear cashmere once, but take it off before it makes you broke.
Deep-fry.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Bacon kicks ass, Hello Kitty rules, and you too will get old. And when you do, you’ll still think bacon kicks ass and Hello Kitty rules. Invest in Sanrio and pigs.
Don’t expect Facebook to die. Maybe you’ll have 1,000 friends, maybe you’ll have two; but someone will still be asking you about those 25 things.
Don’t mess too much with your car, or by the time you’re 40, it will look like you tried too hard.
Be careful whose advice you buy, and feel free to reject it. Advice is a lazy writer’s way of “borrowing” someone else’s song lyrics, taking the best sentences, replacing them with her own words, and recycling it for one more blog post.
But trust me on Curiosity.
With apologies to Baz Luhrmann. (You’ll want to remember your sunscreen.)
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