Monthly Archive for December, 2008

Goodbye 2008! Nice Knowing Ya!

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2008, you were such a ride. The Dokkens (and a Ho) would like to officially bid you adieu and pledge our allegiance to our new master, 2009.

NEW YEAR AGREEMENT

The following contract of behavior is made and entered into by and between 2009, herein referred to as “The Year,” and Jay, hereinafter referred to as “Jay.”

Jay promises The Year that he will do the following:

Learn how to play the sitar.
Expand his gym regiment to the upper body, and not just his lower body.
Play no golf.
Do something new that he hasn’t done before.

The following contract of behavior is made and entered into by and between 2009, herein referred to as “The Year,” and Dot, hereinafter referred to as “Dot.”

Dot promises The Year that she will do the following:

Eat more donuts.
Think about the gym a little more.
Take more photos of Ruby.
Write a book.

The following contract of behavior is made and entered into by and between 2009, herein referred to as “The Year,” and Ruby, hereinafter referred to as “The Fabulous Miss Ruby.”

The Fabulous Miss Ruby promises The Year that she will do the following:

Walk.
Cry only when she really, really, really has no other options.
Kiss mom and dad every day.
Say, “I love you, mom and dad!”, be potty trained, feed herself, clean up after herself, and do laundry.

Published by dorothyho on December 31, 2008 in Musings. 4 Comments

Ruby Wishes You Had A Merry Christmas

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She is sorry she missed blogging last week, but she was busy dressing up as an Elf.

Published by dorothyho on December 30, 2008 in Musings. 0 Comments

We’re Not In Singapore Anymore, Ruby

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Published by dorothyho on December 21, 2008 in Musings. 3 Comments

Ruby The Red-Nosed Baby

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APPLICATION FOR BACK-UP REINDEER POSITION

Dear Hiring Manager at North Pole,
I am inquiring about possible part-time work as back-up reindeer for Santa’s A-team of sleigh pullers. After today’s face plant on a toy as I attempted to pull myself up, I believe I am uniquely qualified to do this job.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please find resume attached.

FULL NAME: Ruby D.

AGE: 10 months

REFERENCES: Mom and Dad, also Big Red Car

EXPERIENCE: Muse for Mom’s paparazzo tendencies, Birth to present

EDUCATION: NPR in the womb

AWARDS: Gosh Darned Cutest Baby Ever! (Presented by Mom and Dad)

INTERESTS: Balloons

Published by dorothyho on December 20, 2008 in Musings. 7 Comments

Ruby, Meet Snow. Snow, Meet Ruby.

Now that we’ve got the introductions out of the way, may I take the liberty of narrating their first encounters with each other?

Yes, Dot, yes you may.

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Snow: I’m white, I’m cold, I’m here.

Ruby: I can’t feel my fingers or nose, mom. Mom?

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Snow: I’m still white, I’m still cold, I’m still here. Deal with it.

Ruby: Mom, I don’t have a good feeling about this. As a matter of fact, I don’t have any feeling above my neck.

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Ruby: Hey, Snow! I’m giving you a kiss!

Snow: Thanks, but no thanks.

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Ruby: You’re cramping my style, Snow. Give my ride a break, will ya?

Snow: Who put the baby in the pram?

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Ruby: Are we stuck, mom? I notice we haven’t moved past our neighbor’s driveway.

Snow: What did I say? Pick the baby up and go home!

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Ruby: Nice to meet you, Snow, but my mom is going to take me inside now. I am going to have warm milk and corn puffs.

Snow: See you next winter. Get some snow boots.

Published by dorothyho on December 18, 2008 in Musings. 4 Comments

Rubber Ducky, You’re The One!

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Rubber Ducky, you’re the one
You make bathtime lots of fun
Rubber Ducky, I’m awfully fond of you

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Rubber Ducky, I wanna shout
When dad squeezes you, water comes out
Rubber Ducky, you’re my very best friend, it’s true

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Every day when I
Hold you tight in my small hand
I have so much fun with you that
I want to do this till I’m ten

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Rubber Ducky, I won’t say bye
If mommy takes you, I promise to cry
Rubber Ducky, I’m awfully fond of you

Published by dorothyho on December 16, 2008 in Musings. 3 Comments

Holiday Party Etiquette: By The Ruby D. Institute (Trademarked)

Greetings, Gentle Readers, and welcome to the Ruby D. Institute’s Annual Holiday Party Etiquette Post.

I shall magnanimously use my performance at my handler’s Company Party to illustrate many of my etiquette lessons.

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Lesson Number 1: Always make sure that you and your handlers are dressed in holiday colors. No exceptions.

As you can see, I get bonus points for matching the host’s carpet.

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Lesson Number 2: Despite meeting eligible bachelors at the party, never, and I mean never give out your phone number to a member of the opposite sex, even if he is as cute as Ollie. Plus, no hitting on younger men.

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Lesson Number 3: Never allow the cameras to capture your back.

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Lesson Number 4: Always compliment the chef. And even if you did not try his roast lamb, make it a point to applaud Parker’s holiday vest. That was a rather bold fashion move.

Lesson Number 5: When faced with the over-indulgent choices of the holidays, nibble. It helps to have a small mouth.

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Lesson Number 6: Do not pick random fuzz off the floor and put into your mouth.

In a house with two cats, that is most probably not lint.

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Lesson Number 7: When the holiday gifts have been given out, and your handler receives a Flip video camera, you are permitted to play with the plastic wrapping. (And look a mite surprised that no one gave you that Giant Box of Cheerios that you secretly wanted for Christmas.)

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Lesson Number 8: This is perhaps the most important holiday etiquette tip you will hear this season, so listen very carefully. I will say this only once.

Do NOT do whatever the hell it is I am doing in this photo.

* * *

Thank you, and check back next year for my revised edition.

Published by dorothyho on December 14, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 2 Comments

I Am Shamelessly Using A Cute Video Of A Baby Eating To Reveal My Embarrassing Eating Error

So do you remember this? When Ruby saw corn puffs for the first time and did not know it was food?

Well, HELLO BIG GIRL!

Ruby is an excellent Eater of Corn Puffs, thank you very much, and she can feed herself extremely well, thank you very much again!

Please to enjoy this eating adventure.

At the end of the video, I wish to share stupid, embarrassing Dot news.

All warm and fuzzy and happy?

Okay, keep that image of adorable Miss Ruby in your mind when you read the following lines.

Dot, in her usual indiscriminate ravenous self, bit her tongue so badly trying to stuff dinner into her mouth that one side of her tongue is completely blue black and swollen. Not to mention the blood. I could not finish my dinner.

Gross.

But remember, Happy Ruby Thoughts! Happy Ruby Thoughts!

Published by dorothyho on December 11, 2008 in Musings. 5 Comments

Did You Forget Your Wallet This Morning?

Eh.

What can you do?

I’ve got days like those too. At least you have pockets.

Published by dorothyho on December 8, 2008 in Musings. 2 Comments

The Post To Explain The Post

Imagine the last post was a silent film.

In the event no one understood what was going on, I have Plan B.

It is below.

Ruby is all dressed up and rushed to the Scene of Impending Extreme Cuteness with a Large Man in Red. She has no idea why the North Pole is located at the corner of 5th and Pine in Seattle.

Ruby amuses herself while waiting in line. “Amusing herself” includes, but is not restricted to, tugging on Dad’s hair, flirting with other Big People in line, and chewing on every toy that Mom packed.

She is overjoyed to catch a glimpse of Santa.

Stranger in line: “Hey, do you want me to take a picture of you all?”

Jay: “No.”

Dot: “Yes.”

After one and a half hours in line, Ruby is positively delirious at the thought of nearly meeting Santa.

After one and a half hours in line with a nine-month-old, we are positively delirious at the thought of some festive drink, preferably caffeinated and alcoholic.

Santa and his paparazzo are well prepared. Santa’s arms are in a perma-crooked position ready for babies, and his paparazzo has a collection of toys to entertain the kids.

Ruby does not know what to make of the Large Man in Red.