Monthly Archive for November, 2008

All I Want For Christmas…Is My Two Bottom Teeth To Not Hurt When They Come Out

Ruby’s List (In No Particular Order)

  • Books. Preferably board books, so no paper cuts. Also, books with textures!
  • Any toy with lights and sounds. A singing and dancing parent is pretty darn entertaining too.
  • Painless teething.
  • Someone to push me around in the toy car all day.
  • My own iPhone. Red, if possible.
  • A camera. To give Mom a taste of her own medicine.
  • What’s your limit on balloons? I want a LOT.
  • The squirrels outside to come closer, not further, when I squeal at them.
  • A decoder so I know what Mom, Dad, and the Big People babble about all the time.
  • Whatever Mom and Dad are eating. It’s infinitely more interesting than what I have on my plate.
  • Some sort of superpower. I’m thinking…the power to Stop Crying On Cue.
  • Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men. (And, er, an extra serving of oatmeal and pear cinnamon for me.)

Thank you, Santa!

Tune in next time for the story behind Ruby’s first visit to Santa! You know you want to know!

Published by dorothyho on November 30, 2008 in Musings. 2 Comments

What We Did The Day After The Day After Thanksgiving

Ruby did not know it was the day after the day after Thanksgiving. Like clockwork, she woke up at 5:45 am. I am so lucky.

We’re working on her crawling, so we tried to entice her with an Apple Mac Pro. She yelled for a while. Then she laid her head down and sucked her thumb. I’m not sure what that means.

We decided to go for a drive.

Ruby decided 5:45 am was, indeed, too early to wake up and proceeded to take a nap.

The walk in the park was shelved, so Jay had to stand in for Ruby while I fed my paparazzi needs.

While Ruby slept in the car, we watched a canoeist row out. I got cold just watching him.

I guess that explains why there are those who do sports, and there is…Me.

My tofu sandwich from Paseo made me extra thirsty, so we stopped at a Petco for a bottle of water. (Don’t ask me why I thought a pet store would sell water. They did. But not for humans.)

Little Miss Ruby was absolutely enthralled by a guinea pig and some birds.

“We’ve got to take her to the zoo,” said Jay. “This is a poor man’s zoo.”

And that’s what we did on the day after the day after Thanksgiving.

Published by dorothyho on November 29, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 2 Comments

The Ruby Show ~ Season 1 ~ Episode 3 ~ Holiday Special

The following is a transcript from tonight’s episode of The Ruby Show. Tune in for a rare behind-the-scenes look at how The Fabulous Miss Ruby enjoys the holiday season.

Announcer: In tonight’s show, we follow Miss Ruby as she attends her first Thanksgiving dinner. What is a nine-month-old to do at such a to-do? Let’s find out.

Announcer: Miss Ruby, thank you for allowing the cameras to follow you tonight. May I say how fabulous you look? And who are you wearing?

Miss Ruby: Of course, of course. On my head, I’m wearing a custom made bonnet by famous Etsy artist Colette. My dress is children’s vintage, my stylist tells me it’s from the ’70s. My rabbit coat is faux, most certainly, and it was a gift from Dee. My shoes are Robeez.

A: I see you have a seat at the table. Were you surprised?

MR: Yes, pleasantly. I know I’m a newcomer, but it was extremely nice of the hosts — David and Louise — to create a placecard with my name on it. I felt very welcomed.

A: So, please tell our viewers what is happening here.

MR: Your cameras have caught me in an unfabulous moment. I refuse to comment, but will only say that I was waiting for my dinner. That red thing that looks like a bib is actually my accessory. I meant to wear that.

A: Looks like the meal was delicious.

MR: How would I know? Unfortunately, I was on a special diet of mashed green peas and oatmeal. Ah, the curse of celebrity! I need to mind my weight, you know.

A: Please introduce your friend!

MR: This is my cousin Curtis. He’s good people. We roll together.

A: Er?

MR: I was getting antsy at the dinner table, so my handlers thought it best to let me have some “tummy time”. I think it’s code for “She’s had too much to drink.” I know. They don’t know that I know, though.

A: Excuse me, madam, we’re filming here!

MR: I see you’ve met my stalker. I just call her Mom. Get out of the shot, Mom.

A: Are you enjoying the party, Miss Ruby?

MR: Absolutely! And this placecard is delicious!

A: Please tell your fans why you are on the floor.

MR: Yes, yes. I never attend a party without my books. I like to look learned, and the books add to my credibility as the thinking man’s baby symbol.

A: What are you drinking?

MR: Water. We’re at the end of the dinner, and everyone around the table is sharing what they are thankful for. I’m just happy to be here. And to have so many fans! I love you all!

A: We’ve come to the end of our holiday special here at The Ruby Show. Thanks for tuning in and join us next time when we follow The Fabulous Miss Ruby on a trip to see Santa!

Published by dorothyho on November 27, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 1 Comment

She-ruby-lock Holmes And The Case Of The Curious ‘Hawk

“I am ready, Watson, to reveal the secret,” said Holmes, as we sat down for our afternoon tea one day.

“Secret?”

“My dear Watson, you are, as I am, aware of the numerous compliments this Ruby character has had on her mohawk?” Holmes replied, as he drew a long puff on his pipe. “These people, they are curious how she makes her hair stand.”

“Yes, and you have a theory?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary.”

Holmes retreated into his study and returned with two photographs.

“Very interesting indeed,” he murmured.

I pressed, “What? What is it?”

“Look,” he said, “this photograph taken in the first few days of Ruby’s life shows a clearly un-mohawked baby. But after her first bath, consider this!”

He produced the second photograph with a flourish.

Holmes’ hands quivered with the excitement of the discovery.

“So the bath water is the secret?” I asked.

“Dr Watson, you surpass yourself!” Holmes exclaimed. “Indeed, I can only surmise that the soap water reacted with the virgin hair, so to speak, which resulted in the mohawk that exists today.”

with sincere apologies and a big waddup to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. you were my hero growing up.

Published by dorothyho on November 24, 2008 in Musings. 1 Comment

The Most Photographed Baby In The World (After Suri, Shiloh, Maddox…Oh Never Mind)

To say Ruby is a photographed baby is to say the Pope is a Catholic person.

The photos you see here and on Flickr are but a small, small drop in the ocean that is The Photographs of Ruby D.

She is so used to the camera that most days, she just looks straight into the lens and I swear, mutters to herself, “Whoisthatcrazywomaninfrontofmeandwhenwillthismadnessend.”

Or so I imagine.

Conversely, she could be thinking, “Oops. Poop.”

Published by dorothyho on November 23, 2008 in Musings. 0 Comments

Meat In A Can. Good. Meat Not In A Can. Better.

I found these blast-from-the-past Ma Ling cans of meat in my favorite Asian grocery store the other day.

Didn’t someone tell me this stuff was banned? (And I don’t mean philosophically, for my health’s sake, but like legally, for my health’s sake?)

Maybe I should return those 10 cans I bought.

.
.
.

You do know I was kidding, right?

I only bought five.

Published by dorothyho on November 19, 2008 in Musings. 5 Comments

What Ruby Looks Like At 6:34 In The Morning

“Yeah yeah. So I’m chewing on a spoon. What? You’ve never done that to wake up before?”

“I haven’t had coffee and you’re taking my photo. Get. That. Camera. Out. Of. My. Face. Mom. You heard me. Mom.”

Published by dorothyho on November 19, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 3 Comments

If You Look Really Hard, You Can See Her First Tooth. (And Other Random Announcements)

(1) Ruby’s first tooth is out!

(2) Ruby’s new favorite skill is grabbing, tearing, and eating napkins — in that order. We try very hard to stop her at “tearing.” Her fists are clenched in the photo above because she is saving that piece of napkin for later.

(3) I am sick. Ruby went first, then Jay, now me. Being sick totally messes with my beer and caffeine consumption.

(4) Ruby can point.

(5) If I don’t feel like talking to anyone, does that make me unfriendly or just plain grouchy?

(6) Ruby really likes balloons.

(7) Ruby’s cheeks are slimming down.

(8) I dislike driving.

(9) I would like to get better at winning the lottery. First, perhaps I need to buy a ticket.

(10) No matter how crappy my day (or Jay’s), all we need is a look from Ruby (like so below) to make the bad monsters go away. Thanks, Ruby. I know we keep you around for something.

Published by dorothyho on November 17, 2008 in Musings. 6 Comments

What Do Babies Think About…

…when they look like they are thinking?

Published by dorothyho on November 16, 2008 in Musings. 4 Comments

“I Like You,” Says Ruby

Ruby’s Press Secretary has released the following quotes for publication.

The following statements were uttered to her favorite things and activities, and should not be used out of context by the media.

Please send your follow-up questions to: Ruby’s Press Secretary, c/o Baby House, Baby Lane, Seattle.

“You are a car with a face. And you play exceedingly happy children’s songs on a loop! Very loudly! How can I not love you?”

“You two monkeys are my new BFFs. I can sit and read with you all day. Please don’t leave me.”

“Thanks for the ‘Dad Lift,’ dad! It’s one of my favorite stomach-crunching exercises.”

“Clop, you are a good horse. Don’t get me wrong, but I think you need to work harder at being a horse.”

“You are the best caterpillar ever! How many caterpillars let me pull their legs and suck on their eyeballs?”

“Oh Red Balloon, you are the strangest thing I have ever seen.”

“I never want to run out of you, Books.”

“I love your sounds and lights, but iPhone, you taste metallic.”

“Dear Couch by the Window, thanks for letting me prop myself up every day while I look out for Mom and Dad coming home. That’s my favorite part of my day.”

Published by dorothyho on November 10, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 3 Comments