Monthly Archive for October, 2008

How To Put A Costume On A Baby (And Keep It There)

First off, let’s just get this out of the way.

So that you know.

So that I know that you know what she is for Halloween. And everyone’s happy. And we’re still friends.

She is a Pink Lamb.

Okay? A Pink Lamb.

By process of elimination (and the size of my bank account), this costume made it, even though it came in second in the Poll. Thanks to all who voted, but I was not about to put down $100 for the Lion on eBay.

Now pay attention.

There is a quiz at the end of this post.

Step 1: Take a freshly bathed baby and place on changing table. Smile a lot.

Step 2: Proceed to gingerly strap costume onto baby while chanting, “No pooping, Ruby! No pooping!”

(Those nature programs on National Geographic must be wrong, because I never once saw a lamb with a pink bow tie.)

Step 3: Place bewildered baby on lap while silently cursing People Who Design Costumes To Button In The Back.

They have obviously not dressed squirmy children.

Step 4: Discover that the headgear is TOO SMALL.

But that’s okay. It’s all brains.

Step 5, 6, 7: Try to hold the camera steady while simultaneously giggling, cooing, and shooting endlessly.

Step 8: One parent distracts the baby while the other slips the Pumpkin Prop into frame.

Step 9: Allow baby to interact with pumpkin for some unscripted too-cute-for-words moments.

Step 10: Watch as baby realizes the costume is on her and proceeds to pick at it. That’s when you know it’s time to end the photo shoot.

(But it’s three days to Halloween so we still have 72 hours to perfect this.)

Pop quiz!

Online Surveys & Market Research

Published by dorothyho on October 28, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 7 Comments

Viva Ikea!

Published by dorothyho on October 22, 2008 in Musings. 3 Comments

I Am Hungry. Please Help. Send Food.

It is impossible for Americans to imagine a good ol’ hawker center breakfast.

Just as it is equally impossible for me to imagine “salad” as dinner.

What I mean to say is, “I am hungry.”

I have been hungry for the past nine years (with the exception of the year I spent teaching in Singapore).

I’m not counting all the times I went home for a visit because the food never tastes as good when I am over-stimulated and just plain jetlagged.

For the first 25-plus years of my life in Singapore, I used to eat whole hot meals for breakfast: I’m talking beehoon, cheong fun, laksa, pork chop rice, wanton noodles, prawn noodles, et cetera et cetera.

In comparison, nothing I do here is enough.

Oats? Cereal? Toast with Nutella?

NOT ENOUGH! AND NOT REAL FOOD!

What I really, reALLY, REALLY want these days is some fried beehoon topped with egg and Maling luncheon meat.

Published by dorothyho on October 21, 2008 in Musings. 13 Comments

My First Library Visit: A 10-Part Story Featuring Ruby The Reader

How do babies react when you say you’re taking them to the library?

Like this.

Ruby remained perplexed by the whole “library thing” even as we pulled up to the spectacular Rem Koolhaas glass-and-steel structure.

I do not think she understood any of the concepts I explained in the car.

Big building. Lots of books. We borrow. You read. No biting.

As you can see, I obviously got over my paranoia about the whole Germs on Books factor.

Even though this was NOT her aisle, Ruby patiently and quietly toured the Big People shelves with Mom and Dad before going to the children’s section.

Only someone like Jay would make a stop in an aisle populated with books titled, “Complete Plywood Handbook.”

Finally, just as the whining began, we made it to the children’s floor.

Ruby practised her splits while we scoured the shelves for Rubytastic books.

We tried reading her a few books.

This one did not pass the Rubytastic Test.

(It amused Mom more than it did Ruby.)

Mission accomplished. The haul for the day?

Eleven books.

Bonus mission accomplished. The status of the baby?

Asleep.

Published by dorothyho on October 19, 2008 in Musings and Photography. 5 Comments

You Can Teach A Baby New Tricks

We have read this book to Ruby since she was little(r).

Just this week, we noticed she started opening the flaps to reveal the answers herself.

When Jay asks the last question, “Where is baby?” you can hear her say, “Boo!”

I always go “Peekaboo!” at the end of the book, so I think she’s mimicking me.

Sniff, sniff!

Oh Rubes, you grow up so fast!

Can your next trick be pooping within the confines of your diaper?

I’m just saying.

Published by dorothyho on October 18, 2008 in Musings. 2 Comments

My First Brush With Celebrity

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS

I am currently not pregnant.

Do not read if you have not watched the Project Runway Finale.

At long last, I am finally, finally able to say, “I know someone famous. As a matter of fact, this Real Life Celebrity made my dress. I even have her emails to prove it.”

I know what you’re thinking, so here are my answers.

(1) Dress, what dress? Fine, it looks like a top on me as I’m ginormously pregnant, plus the sweater covers it anyway. But trust me when I say it’s cute! And it was made by none other than Leanne Marshall, who is — get this — the new winner of Project Runway! Of course I bought it from her on etsy before she got famous. Jay says I need to sell this on eBay. Now.

(2) Yes, I was wrong when I said I could not be linked to any celebrity in six degrees. Eat your heart out, Kevin Bacon!

(3) Ruby fit in my tummy.

Published by dorothyho on October 15, 2008 in Musings. 5 Comments

Meet Ruby. She’s Almost 8 Months Old.

I overheard a woman telling another that her daughter was 44 months old.

Forty-four! Months! Old!

(That’s three-and-a-half years old for those of you pulling out your calculators now.)

Isn’t there some unspoken rule about switching to years once you hit two?

But who made up that rule anyway?

What is stopping us from acknowledging — and celebrating — every single day we are alive?

My name is Dorothy, and I am 12,410 days old.

Published by dorothyho on October 14, 2008 in Musings. 2 Comments

What Would You Do If You Saw Bacon For The First Time? (And Didn’t Know It Was Food?)

You take for granted the things you know.

Ever think about how you can walk? Talk? Eat? Bend down and pick a donut off the floor? (Five second rule, people!)

You don’t.

Until you witness another person learning to do it all for the first time.

It’s humbling.

Funny, crazy, amazing, surprising…but mostly humbling.

Here, Ruby is seeing corn puffs for the first time. She has no idea it’s food. My favorite part is when she tries to pick them all up without losing the ones she already has in her hands.

At this point, I’m not even sure how I learned to type.

100 wpm is a long way from corn puffs.

Published by dorothyho on October 12, 2008 in Musings. 7 Comments