Monthly Archive for September, 2008

You Say Nu-ku-lur, I Say Nu-clear

Woman In Bizarre Road Rage Incident Blames National Public Radio

Seattle — A woman in a station wagon stopped in the middle of traffic, got out, and threw her car radio over the 520 bridge today in what state troopers are calling a bizarre road rage incident.

Witnesses say the woman repeated the phrase “For the love of God, it’s nuclear!” over and over again while pounding the hood of her car.

She told police she was pissed that “someone said ‘nu-ku-lur’ on the radio.”

Troopers released her after determining she was not drunk.

Reached at her home in Seattle, the woman, who declined to give her name, said, “That was the proverbial straw that nuked this camel’s back. Look, the word is two syllables. Two. I’m sick and tired of people mispronouncing ‘nuclear.’ And one more thing, I don’t want them on my charades team.”

Traffic was backed up for two miles.

The First Word

How do you know when the baby says the first word?

I mean, it’s like referees calling whether the ball was in, or out.

Jay and I are calling it in. Well, kinda.

Sorta.

Let’s just say, it’s on the line.

The fact that we are prompting her only means that she is not only saying the word, but is also using it in context (and in response!) to us. That ought to earn her bonus word points.

All you naysayers out there, I know what you are thinking. That “dada” is the only sound she makes and we’re simply asking a question we already know the answer to.

You’ll just have to trust us.

How To Save Yourself From A Cuteness Meltdown Of Rubonic Proportions

Dear Webizens, I have elevated the Worldwide Cuteness Alert from Yellow to Orange, or “Significant Risk of Cute Overload In Your Day” to “High Risk of Cute Overload In Your Day.”

If you intend to heed this warning, do not scroll down. I have inserted a Safety Photo to separate you from the danger.

Please exit safely to your right.

Thank you for visiting and we’ll see you again tomorrow.

Still here?

You are brave.

Take cover.

Congratulations! You have looked Dangerous Cuteness in the eye and you have survived.

You may go about your business.

By “Lost” I Really Meant We-Know-Exactly-Where-It-Is-In-Portland-But-We-Were-Not-Able-To-Get-It-In-Time “Lost”

Now are you sure you still want the long story?

Here it is.

In point form.

— Went to Portland for Mark and Ineke’s wedding.
— Took the pram (and Ruby) to the wedding dinner at a nice restaurant.
— Ruby fell asleep.
— Woke up.
— Cried.
— Cried some more.
— Jay took Ruby and I back to the hotel.
— Jay returned to dinner alone.
— Jay returned to hotel alone.
— Pram stayed at restaurant alone.
— Restaurant closed.
— Portland is 200 miles from Seattle.
— Bought “new” pram on Craigslist for $10.
— God bless Craigslist.

There Is A Long Story, And There Is A Short One.

This is the short one.

We lost this pram in Portland.

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She Would Have Kicked Ass In A Yellow Neon Leotard And Tights. (VSFW = Very Safe For Work)

Scenario: It is Monday morning. Your inbox is full. You are on your third cup of coffee. Work sucks. It sucks even more on a Monday.

Option 1: Carry on your trajectory of misery.

Option 2: Click on this video.

By The Time You Read This, Ruby Will Be Seven Months Old. Exactly.

Presenting…

Ruby Through The Ages.

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Month Zero
“Concerned”

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Month One
“Curious”

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Month Two
“Intense”

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Month Three
“Suspicious”

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Month Four
“Superstar”

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Month Five
“Optimistic”

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Month Six
“Contemplative”

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Month Seven
“Bored”

How To Eat Salad: By Dorothy Ho

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With a large slice of chocolate cake.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

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You know, I have very noticeable eye bags.

What It Should Have Been

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In last week’s story “She Makes Me Laugh. And That’s Alright,” the writer stated that Ruby could be counted on “to eat grass.”

That is incorrect.

Ruby has clarified that she merely posed on the grass as per the photographer’s direction, and when she brought the grass to her mouth, a large human hand, possibly belonging to “Dad,” intervened and stopped the grass-eating effort.

We are sorry for the error.

Stuff Ruby Says

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    Uncle Ty flips the girls!Looking Fabulous, Ruby!Auntie Heather's Handiwork!Olive Olives. Hur Hur. Geddit?Auntie JenUncle Luke

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