The Difference Between Tummy And “Tummy”

This is how I feel these days.

Bloated. Bloated. Bloated.

I have the urge to open a valve and release pressure from my tummy.

And when I say “tummy,” I actually mean the “area formerly known as tummy” but which now contains another human being.

I have a tummy and I have a “tummy.”

Let me just set the record straight and say, “Dude, it is weird to have something alive and moving around inside your ‘tummy.’”

Jay often asks how it feels when the baby moves.

Honestly?

All I can say is, it started out feeling like I was hungry, because it would feel like my tummy was rumbling; then it moved to little kicks, which were incredibly exciting; and now, in my full blubbery whale state (of which I hope her weight gain—not mine—is wholly responsible for), the kicks have morphed into a full-on boxing assault on the “tummy.”

Her stretching and kicking are so pronounced these days that if I watch closely, I can see my skin being pushed from the inside.

It’s like a horror alien movie. Only not.

Baby, all I can say is, me and my bladder are ready for you to be out.