Monthly Archive for July, 2006

Can You Hear Me Now?

Okay.

Deep breath.

Deeeeep breath.

Don’t swear, Dot. Don’t run up and rip that thing off his ear. Don’t, for the love of all things legal, bum rush this guy and tackle him to the ground, screaming, “Why, dude, why?”

What is with the dudes, the cordless ear-pieces, and the talking in the air crap these days?

I have no problems when people talk into their cells while walking down the street. But there is something that pushes me over the edge when there is NO PHONE.

I don’t know what it is, but it bugs me.

I heard this man before I saw him.

When I looked up, he was strolling along the street, just yapping his head off. I did not see a cell phone, and at the time, had not seen his apparatus.

It is extremely disconcerting when someone appears to be talking out loud to themselves.

I felt pity, until he turned his head and it was revealed.

My best description of what I felt at that moment was cheated-irritated-upset-amused-rising-bile.

I should have just walked right up to him on his “phoneless” side and conversed with him. That should creep the b*gger out.

What I Really Need Is A Chinese-Style Walmart

Don’t be alarmed.

This is one week’s supply of groceries for two people. Please take note of the two kinds of plastic bags.

When unpacked, the insides look a little like this.

Since starting fulltime work, I’ve had no time to get groceries until the weekend. And because I loathe crowds, I wake up very early on Sundays, ensuring there is no one on the aisles to get in my way, and I stockpile for the week.

Unfortunately, I am NOT helped in my endeavour by the fact that I get Western-type products from Safeway and Asian-type products, including certain meats and seafood, from Uwajimaya.

Because of who I am, where I am and whom I’m with, I get a very mixed set of food. Sure, I need my good instant noodles, sauces, recognizable vegetables and Japanese confectionery from the Asian supermarket, but I also need to get the juices, cheeses, deli meats, cornflakes and the occasional tortilla for Jay.

The selection and availability of items are very specific at each store, so my Sundays have turned into a race against the clock.

Depending on which store I go to first, I get what I want and head to the second store, by which time I’m stressed and trying to finish shopping quickly so nothing is melting/spoiling/growing bacteria in my Beetle’s boot.

Inevitably, I always forget something at the second store.

In a perfect world, there would be a single store catering to Asians living in America (who may or may not be married to an American), and who may or may not be indulging in cheese once in a while.

And don’t get me started on toilet paper—which I don’t get from either store.

Crime In The Emerald City

A Muslim American allegedly walked into the Jewish Federation Building and started shooting. It was a block from where I worked.

I kid you not.

Left, Right, Left, Right…

I’ve been walking to work for a while.

It was sort of a decision that made itself.

I hated traffic. I hated driving. I hated parking.

And working in the heart of downtown meant one thing—traffic, driving and parking under road rage (get the f**k out of my way) conditions.

So walking it was.

I never knew how much I walked until today.

I happily strapped a pedometer (Thanks, bro!) onto my waistband today. Finally, I thought, I would know the exact number of steps I took to work! I would be able to justify the walk! Tell everyone I know how healthy I am!

The answer?

3,335 steps. From front door to office.

I don’t know about you, but that felt wrong. Unless I walked like a shuffling old woman with five steps every meter, there was no way I took that many steps. Or did I?

I always thought it was a relatively easy walk. But that number just confused me. Does that now mean I can consume an extra 3,335 calories?

Pink Vanilla Frosted Cupcake: Here I come.

The Animals Are Mocking Me

I love all kinds of Japanese confectionery. I’m sure if I ever fainted, they could revive me with the scent of a Pocky stick.

However, when I am stressed out trying to write in the office, and I am looking for snack solace in my biscuits, the last thing I need is smart-alecky animals.

Animals with words emblazoned on their bodies, with letters conveniently spelling out their very existence.

When I struggle to find the right lead, these animals mock me with their simplicity.

But maybe it is that simple. Maybe all I need is in front of me.

They sure are inside of me.

Richard Serra Is Hot

Aside from the fact that it was 92 degrees outside, Richard Serra looked impatient. And slightly grouchy.

But I liked him.

At the press preview of Seattle Art Museum’s new Sculpture Park, Richard Serra made an appearance to discuss his installation of Wave, one of the few anchor pieces in the yet-to-be-completed park. He spoke of sculpture as a living art, and responding to a journalist’s question about what he thought during the building process, snapped, “I have no time to step back and say, I’m happy. I am focused on finishing the task at hand.”

When you’re this famous, “cantankerous” becomes cute.

I enjoyed his curt commentary of the pieces. I especially liked his shoes.

Why is it that the greatest minds on earth are usually packaged in interesting human beings?

I only knew of his fame, saw his work at the Gagosian, and maybe read that New Yorker profile, so I had no idea what to expect when I saw him in the flesh.

I admire his obvious passion for what he does and envy his ability to pursue it single-mindedly.

When I get to his age, I want to be called cantankerous…and in a good way.

It’s So Hot It’s Not Funny

No, I am not reacting to the price of that gorgeous garden artifact.

I am just trying to find shade at Lowe’s outdoor Yard Sale.

You’d think my Singaporean ass is used to hot weather, but it was 95 F (35 C) today and I was positively melting-grouchy-hot-and-bothered.

We, of course, pick the hottest days to work outside. Remember “paining” a few Sundays ago?

As a HDB heartlander, I have never gardened, never raised a pick, never pulled weeds. I don’t know moss from Astroturf. I don’t know why Japanese Maple isn’t sweet and on a donut. But I love garden gnomes, or at least the idea of a garden gnome. (Jay, at least I didn’t say pink flamingos.)

My idea of a garden is Zen Minimalism (aside from the gnome), very unlike everybody else’s idea in Seattle of green, flowering, complex-four-syllable-named plants.

I admit it. I am an urban, indoor, apartment-dwelling human. Give me words over weeds any day.

Obviously, I am not doing a good job assimilating in the all-American life. If I were, I’d have shelled out 100 bucks for that awesome Victorian Village Fountain.

Wah Lao! How Come I Never Notice Before?

Calling all Singaporeans! Does this sign (photographed on a Seattle street I rarely walk down) not tell you that:

(a) This company is from Singapore.

(b) This company is owned by a woman…

(c) …who may have attended Raffles Girls’ School?

(d) Alternatively, it could be owned by a man who attended RI and simply loves RGS girls?

Or, perhaps I’m just reading too much into the Merlion. Someone put me out of my paranoia. *

* Too bad it was closed, so I had no way of strolling in and overhearing Singlish.

Because Furniture Is Lame

This is not what it looks like.

This is not a bean bag.

This is a LoveSac.

Jay and I put the couch on craigslist, and before we knew it, got calls from strangers willing to come to our house and haul that smelly green couch away.

We were sick of the mattress slouching off the frame. We were sick of it taking up the entire wall. We were sick of how heavy it was.

And suddenly, it was gone.

Faced with a couchless space (and nothing to watch TV with—horrors!), we panicked, called the nearest LoveSac retailer and are now the proud owners of a GIANT bean-bag-that-wants-to-be-a-sac. Trust me, it is far comfortable-er than it looks.

And note to would-be visiting friends: This is your bed.

They Write Themselves

Ah, the brevity of life.