Monthly Archive for May, 2006
(No, not the World Wrestling Federation, but the World Wildlife Foundation.)
Let’s get ready to rumble!
On the left, we have a Weiner Dog who made it to the summit of Tiger Mountain in Seattle. On the right, we have the ultimate Whiner Dot, who made it to the summit but did not stop yapping about the pain.
I am serious. The dog passed me. I cannot hike. Period.
Dogs 1 Humans 0
What happens when you are too tired to focus…
I had a hangover today.
I woke up early, took one Tylenol and one Oreo, read the news, and went back to bed. I didn’t wake up again until a few hours later. I didn’t have my first meal until 2 pm. All day, my body felt like it was moving ahead of my brain.
I’m embarrassed to admit that all it took to reduce me to this state was one beer and one glass of white wine the night before.
Jay likes to remind me I’m a cheap date. I fall asleep at the first drop of beer. It’s a terrible reputation to live down.
In my defence, I’d like to note that my liver is the size of an edamame.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane…it’s Super Kitty!
Don’t choke on your pretzels and cokes, people. This is not a photoshopped image.
This is what it is.
Take four drunk friends, one piece of paper and one pen. One person started and passed it on. We couldn’t see anything beyond the first word in each section.
And no one peeked.
AS IF…As if I were a member of their ultra-icon-driven-wonder society. A ritual is just the illusion of stability. Get this one thing thru your skull…you can’t recreate anything.
AS IF. I care. What matters is that the universe fit into the glass of martini. And whoever drank the potion would possess the power to levitate. Because the only thing more important than being above it all
IS at the end of a long road, a dusty, dirt road full of tumble weeds. When suddenly a ground hog asks “Can I borrow a light?” Rodents don’t smoke I thought to myself. “Sorry” I say. “You shouldn’t smoke. Maybe try something else
LIKE something you find behind behind the couch. Three months after the party. And then you realize why your girlfriend left, the neighbors moved out, and your dog ran away…
Beetle owners belong to a cult.
They can’t help themselves. They check out each other’s bugs on the street; they check out their own Beetles on the street.
If it weren’t so funny, it would be sad.
For this season’s newest model, I believe Volkswagen consulted existing Beetle owners on their dream color. This is the resultâ€â€Mocha Latte Cream.
I’m not sure what VW calls that color, but I’m naming it Mocha Latte Cream. I just like to say that. (If you say it real fast over and over again, it sounds like the chorus from that Lady Marmalade song.)
I saw this sexy beauty on the street and she took my breath away. For your sake, I hope your computer screens are color corrected.
This is ecstasy in a paint can.
Why Jay and Dot exist.
And why Jay and Dot are wiped out this week.
Jay calls this the Pile ‘O Pants.
At 11 pm when you’re about to go to bed, it’s funny, awfully funny.
At 8 am the next day, it’s more awful, less funny. It’s also a divine sign from the God of Laundry.
I am one of those who cannot stand not figuring something out.
If a question comes up during dinner, I run to the computer and google for an answer. Or, if circumstances do not permit, I make a mental note to google the brain stumper when I get home. I am known to bet Jay on the answerâ€â€just because.
I frankly cannot remember Life Before Google.
We faced such a conundrum today when we took the Parental Unit on the Food Train. To make sure we didn’t forget we were on a moving locomotive, the lunch menu included two train puzzles.
The first puzzle required us to switch the places of two trains (pennies) using the engine (nickel), with the following conditions: the engine can pull one or two carriages; the engine cannot go past the top of the “wye” (basically just the top of the puzzle); and after the switch, the engine has to return to its original position below.
We resorted to using coins to help visualize the solution. We were stumped, but I refused to give up. Sure, great natural beauty was passing me by, but I buried my head in solving the puzzle. I Had To Know.
Sheer stubborness pays off.
Because I Know.
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