To Whom It May Concern

Dear Job Hirer,

Re: Job Opening

I am superbly qualified to apply for this position.

I have a degree in writing, like 100 million others in this country. However, I am not ashamed to say that my writing skills are far better than anyone else. Witness this gem:

“How do I love this job? Let me write the ways.”

Yes, I’ve been a journalist, editor and college teacher, yadda yadda yadda. However, I believe the best skill I can offer your organization is the ability to install hardwood floors.

You see, I spent a good part of my summer putting in every plank of 3″ Vertical Natural Medium EnviroChoice Solid Bamboo in my duplex fixer-upper.

You don’t know stress until you’ve remodeled a house. Because of this, I know that I will be able to handle whatever task you put me to. Deadlines, Schmeadlines.

Please find my resume attached. Do not be alarmed by the 10 pages. I deliberately used 20-point Helvetica font to highlight my intellectual qualities.

I thank you for your time and I wait patiently by the phone for your call. Please hire me. The stuffed panda bear in my house is sick of my voice.

Yours faithfully, sincerely, and devotedly, forever and ever,
Dorothy Ho

P/S I apologize if you are reading this letter for the second time, as I am at cover letter #142, and repetitions are bound to happen.
PP/S If you are an intern opening your boss’s letter, please put it on the top of the pile of cover letters. Find enclosed an extra 20 to pad that minimum wage you’re making.