Someone Give Me A Security Pass

I was on a long walk today on 3rd Avenue and a jingling caught my attention.

It came from the woman ahead of me. Her keys, which were hooked on the outside of her purse, were jingling as she swayed down the sidewalk. There were at least 10 keys and three forms of ID hanging on her purse strap.

I thought:
(a) She lives in some sort of fortified apartment.
(b) She is a security guard for the Federal Reserve.
(c) Why aren’t those keys and IDs in her purse?
(d) I need more locks.

My bag held one key, one lonely form of ID, and $20 in cash.

Am I missing something? Where’s my security pass? Why does my door only have one lock? Why can’t I be trusted with 10 keys to feel important?

I want to beep something to get somewhere. Perhaps we can set up a toll plaza at our house. Maybe some sort of E-Z Pass system. Yeah. I think Jay might buy into that idea. It’s another gadget he can make.