Truely a question for the bored and jetlagged. Let me count the ways.
(1) America has one giant Bush.
Singapore has thousands, if not millions of bushes. Some say even more than Johor.
(2) You can do anything in America.
You can do anything in Singapore, now even got Integrated Resort – aiyah, can anyone spell casino or not? – bungee jumping and sky diving. (Just don’t forget to apply in triplicate, in person, pass interview and get security clearance from gahmen.)
(3) Americans are very friendly.
Singaporeans can be very friendly, especially if you win the $2.8 million Toto jackpot or if you have a good place in the queue for the Constance Chee trial.
(4) America is very big.
Alamak, this one we cannot fight, but in our hearts, Singapore is always very big. Eh, we got the bestest airline in the world and some guy built a fake iPod, okay?
(5) American shopping malls are huge, with ample parking spaces.
Singapore’s shopping centers are okay-sized, with limited number of parking spaces. But don’t forget we all take bus or MRT, so we don’t use gas, we don’t pollute the earth, ergo, we are saving the world.
(6) America has four seasons.
Singapore has one long hot season. Since we don’t have winter, we do not have fights over rights to snowmobile through protected forest areas, so somewhere somehow, we are saving Nature.
(7) Some Americans with big (or small) estates have housekeepers.
99.99% of Singaporeans with big (or small) houses, HDB flats, and condos have maids. The fact that only 5.5% of them are treated decently should have no impact on this ranking.
(8) American food is varied, from fast food outlets to unusual immigrant fare. There are no hawker centers.
Singapore’s food is *fill in your favorite word* Hawker centers are the meaning of life.
(9) Americans love to sue and their exploits make for very hilarious news stories. Did you hear the one about the woman who sued her doctor for calling her fat and telling her to lose weight for her health? [PS New information indicates that the patient sued the doctor not just for the fat comment, but for a racial slur as well.]
Singaporeans who try to sue end up losing their jobs and causing company-wide audits. However, they still make for riveting news stories, resulting in increased newspaper sales, causing a spike in Singapore Press Holdings’ stock price, and therefore contributing to our GDP. Keep masses happy with mindless gossip = Forget about political stories that matter = GDP increase
(10) You can buy anything in America.
You can order anything online in Singapore and have it sent in an anonymous brown paper package to your brother’s house.
I love Singapore; I don’t love Singapore. It’s home; it’s not home.
I wish we’d get our act together and truely make this place something we’d be proud of. Not because we want to make money, not because we want to fawn over “overseas talent” and give them the tropical paradise cliche they’ve come to expect, and certainly not because the gahmen said so and gave us perks to do it.
And for the record, I love America too.
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