Tofu Nation

These days, I have to resist the temptation to clean Ruby until she is absolutely, exhaustively, 110 percent-ly, fully, totally, and completely done with her meal.

So Help Me Anal Retentiveness.

This is what happens when you don’t make a list for the grocery store.

I can’t believe I did it twice.

What this post means is that I cannot swear in front of Ruby ever again.

How did I get here? It starts with a big red truck, then on to a bath, a promise, and a sudden realization that my little girl understands the words coming out of my mouth.

BIG RED TRUCK
Ruby recently started asking to play in the truck. (And when I say, “asking,” I mean pointing to the truck and grunting a lot.) She wants to drive, she wants to climb all over the back seat, she wants to sit in her car seat. All in Jay’s truck. She did all these things for a good 30 minutes this evening.

THE BATH
It was getting late, and time for Ruby’s bath. She yelled the whole time we extricated her from the truck. The screaming stopped only when I said, “Ruby, after you take your bath, we’ll go to daddy’s office, okay?” I knew Jay was headed back for some construction work and I made the remark thinking I could placate her for now, and decide later if we were really going to leave the house again at 8 p.m.

THE PROMISE
As I changed her after the bath, Jay popped his head in the room and said, “Bye, I’m going to Home Depot!” Ruby bolted straight up in the middle of me putting her sleeve on, grabbed her shoes by her changing table, yelled, “Da da!” and pointed to the door.

THE SUDDEN REALIZATION
Ruby. Shoes. Door. Da da. Outmaneuvered by a 16-month-old.

Inspired by a recent incident involving a certain Elizabeth “Liz” Becton — see above for context — I am hereby (re)creating emails showing my pet peeve. Some typos not mine. Consider yourself warned.
____________________________________________________________________

From: XXX
Sent: Monday, June 22, 2009 9:08 AM
To: Ho, Dorothy
Subject: Thank You for Renewing 119300 from [Redacted]

Thank you for renewing your subscription from [redacted].

Please email to XXX or reply to this message for further enquiry. Kindly quote your order no. 119300 or transaction no. [redacted] for correspondence reference.

Order Information
[Redacted]

Billing Information
[Redacted]

Notice
Subscription is now on auto-renewal for credit card purchase. Upon expiry, your subscription will be automatically renewed on the same subscription package and you would see it being reflected in your credit card bill. Please email XXX for further enquiry.

XXX
____________________________________________________________________

From: Ho, Dorothy
Sent: Monday, June 22, 2009 11:23 AM
To: XXX
Subject: Auto-Renewal

Hi there,

Please advise how I can stop auto-renewal. Does this mean my credit card has already been charged? I was not aware that when I signed up that this subscription would be automatically renewed each time.

Shouldn’t there be a reminder to renew if I want to? How can I cancel this auto-renewal?

The order number is 119300 and the transaction number is [redacted].

Thanks,
Dorothy
____________________________________________________________________

From: XXX
Sent: Tuesday, June 23, 2009 1:45 PM
To: Ho, Dorothy
Subject: Re: Auto-Renewal

Dear Ms Ho,

Thank you for your mail. We apologize for the inconvenience caused.

We started the auto-renewal mode with effect from [redacted]. For subscribers who subscribed online after this date, their subscription is automatically placed under auto-renewal. However, subscribers may choose to opt out from the auto-renewal by sending an email to us or call our hotline number, [redacted].

Upon successful transaction online, there will be indications that your subscription is on auto-renewal.

Just to check, would you like us to opt you out of the autorenewal mode?

Should you require any further enquiries, please do not hesitate to contact our Customer Service @ [redacted] or drop us an email.

Thank you.

Warmest Regards,
XXX
____________________________________________________________________

From: Ho, Dorothy
Sent: Tuesday, June 23, 2009 7:11 PM
To: XXX
Subject: Re: Auto-Renewal

Hi XXX,

Thanks for your prompt email. Has my credit card already been charged? When was it charged? I want to be able to decide whether I want to renew every time my subscription ends.

Yes, I would like to opt out of the auto-renewal mode. Please make that effective after this most recent credit card charge. Please also send me an email confirming that this is the last time you have done the auto-renewal for me and I DO NOT want any more auto-renewals after this.

Thank you.
Dorothy
____________________________________________________________________

From: XXX
Sent: Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:55 AM
To: Ho, Dorothy
Subject: Re: Auto-Renewal

Dear Ms Ho

Thank you for your email.

We have noted that you wish to opt out of the auto-renewal mode for [redacted].

Should you require any further enquiries, please do not hesitate to contact our Customer Service @ [redacted] or drop us an email.

Thank you

Warmest Regards,
XXX
____________________________________________________________________

From: Ho, Dorothy
Sent: Wednesday, June 24, 2009 3:17 PM
To: XXX
Subject: Re: Auto-Renewal

Subscribers should not be expected to OPT OUT out of auto-renewal. Customers should be given the CHOICE to decide if they want to continue a subscription or not. Auto-renewal is just another sneaky way to make money from your customers without their permission! This is as bad as “opting out” of getting advertisements and email spam! I mean, who WANTS email spam? No one! No one wants auto-renewal either.

Dorothy
____________________________________________________________________

Okay, I made that last one up, but the rest of the emails are true to the exchange.

So now you know.

I detest auto-renewals. Especially if it is not openly spelled out in the subscription.

Are you listening, World? ARE YOU?

Especially the some thing that is Ruby blowing bubbles by aiming for her mouth but getting her nose.

I don’t believe I have ever climbed a tree.

Jay, on the other hand, is still climbing trees.

For my sanity, I hope Ruby inherits something in between my kiasi-ness and Jay’s fearlessness.

To look less horsey.

Danish cookies. (Thanks A LOT, Nikki!)

A Top-Chef-slash-No-Reservations show. Maybe send the chefs to a street market in Hanoi for the Quickfire Challenge?

An Internet connection that does not stall every time I upload to Vimeo.

More photographs.

To meet a celebrity so I can say, “So-and-so is shorter in person.”

A tutu for Ruby.

To pee. (Done! I’m back.)

A cleaning service.

To read my backlog of New Yorkers. (Damn you, Internet time waster!)

Find a job on Stephen Colbert’s writing team.

It was a long time coming.

Remember this? How hard we tried to get a certain Someone Whose Name Rhymes With Luby to crawl towards the iPhone?

But Someone Whose Name Rhymes With Luby decided she wasn’t going to be anyone’s performing monkey and sat on her bottom for a few more months before one day, standing up and walking at 12 months?

Well, I say!

Let me formally announce the arrival of the much-anticipated Crawling Skill. At 15 months.

If you ask me, Someone Whose Name Rhymes With Luby doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about.

I must be the laziest Singaporean around.

And by “laziest,” I mean laziest.

I will complain about being homesick for every kind of hawker food, but I will do nothing about it.

That is, until some motivating factor kicks in, such as I have been away from Singapore for more than 365 days; or, more likely, someone organizes a Singaporean potluck in Seattle and I was going to cop out and buy a bunch of egg tarts from the bakery but then I found out that my brother’s wife was going to make egg tarts from scratch (gasp!) and therefore had to think of an alternative quickly and decided I was going to make carrot cake, so help me God.

So here we are.

Carrot cake dreams are made of this.

I’m talking ABC sauce. I don’t know what’s in it, but it isn’t USDA Organic, that’s for sure.

For this “sweet soy sauce” to taste this good, I’m sure something cute, fluffy, and/or used to be organic matter did die for the good of carrot-cake-loving Singaporeans everywhere.

Ingredients:
Non-vegetarian radish cake (Don’t ask.)
Dried radish or chye por
Eggs
Garlic
Spring onions
ABC sauce
Love

Tactic:
Open all windows and doors. Turn on two burners to “highest.” Use biggest saucepan you have. Grease. Put in this order: garlic, radish, egg, radish cake, ABC sauce, spring onions. Love it up.

Result:
Heaven.

This is but one section of the Singaporean Foodestival!

You can tell how this ends for me.

In random groupie moment news, I discover that the host of the party is Ghim, a Singaporean behind the Cha Dao tea brand I’ve been seeing around Seattle. Hello! How did I not know a Singaporean was behind this?

The tea is freshly brewed, not too sweet, and authentic tasting. (All you Asian diaspora know what I’m talking about!)

I first had his Chrysanthemum tea when I was a cranky, craving, pregnant woman.

If you can please a cranky, craving, pregnant woman, there is nothing you cannot do.